I'm a 28-year-old guy who has never been in a relationship, nor can I seem to find someone who wants to be in one with me. Why do I feel like a freak?

Right now you don’t want to do it because you’re trying to hide everywhere you go, hide your ugliness. Well guess what, Cupcake - you CAN’T hide. You’re not a turtle who can pull his head into his shell while you wait in line at the Dollar Store buying Halloween masks to hide your ugly face. So instead stand up straight and show the world that this is what YOU have to offer and that YOU love it and therefore they SHOULD TOO. People often take you at face value. If you hate yourself, they will hate you too. If you love yourself they will doubt themselves and say, How can he love himself if he is that ugly? Or, I sure pity that poor bastard. But then they will think, Gee, he seems happy, maybe I missed something. And their self doubt always works in your favor. If you love yourself then they will tend to like you also.

If you think you feel bad now, just wait til you’re anchored to a gorgeous woman who takes your money and yet looks at you with disgust. Not only will you not have the money or the girl’s heart you won’t have any self-respect either. So good luck if that’s your plan. Instead you have to work on loving what you have. If you can walk and have all your parts working I don’t care if you drag your knuckles on the ground you are still better off than lots of guys who don’t have all their fingers, toes and body parts and still find women to love them. So the pity party is over now. Put away the booze and pot and start working on yourself. You CANNOT be numbing your mind to dull the pain of your self hate over being ugly so give that shit up NOW.

So you have to fix your self-esteem and your attitude. And while you’re working on that, work on your self-confidence. No doubt because of your ugly mug you are shy and scared to let people look upon you. FUCK THEM. Stand up straight like a MAN and walk into Starbucks with a smile on your face and look the barista in the eye and say, “Medium Regular, Please” and give her a grin like you both are sharing a secret. Pay her a compliment. It doesn’t matter what it is. “In case no one tells you, your hair looks great like that.” Say it with a smile, not like a creep. Look her in the eye GENTLY not like you’re Superman boring a hole in the wall with your laser-vision - that’s just scary and creepy. If you look a girl in the eye and pay her a little compliment I PROMISE you she is NOT saying to herself how ugly you are. She’s saying to herself that she must be pretty because she got validated by a stranger. EVERYONE wants validation so give it to them. Do it whenever you go to a store, whenever you’re standing in line. You aren’t flirting. You’re practicing self confidence. Stand up straight. Walk into every room like you own the place. Sweep your eyes over every person’s eyes as they notice you and watch them look away as your self-confidence defeats theirs. Keep a pleasant smile on your face. Make one single pleasant small talk comment to the person next to you in any line. You don’t have to worry about flirting or embarrassment. You just have to worry about doing it. Embarrassment goes away in five minutes or less.

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Wake up!

So now you need to get a good hobby. Find something you love to do or at least can learn to love to do, preferably one with a public face like biking or running or boating or some such so that women can SEE YOU DOING SOMETHING. When you are actively involved doing something you like then that is when you are most attractive or at least, “least ugly”. And it’s a natural attractant to women. Speaking of natural attractants, make sure your body, hair and breath are clean and smell good and that you are reasonably groomed. If you are ugly you don’t want to make the job harder by being smelly or looking like a hobo at the same time. You can’t really fix your looks but you can certainly fix your appearance and at least look like you have self-respect (which you are earning all the time by working on your self esteem).

So here is what you do instead. You better start learning to love yourself because you’re going to be stuck with yourself for a long, long time and what you have is ALL YOU GET, Cupcake. So you better make the most of it and you better learn to love what it can do. I don’t give a shit if you’re as ugly as Stephen Hawking you can still find a partner because love isn’t JUST about looks. Looks might get two people together but it doesn’t keep them together. Who you ARE keeps them together and right now not only are you UGLY you’re also a SAD SACK and being a Sad Sack is far, far worse than being ugly. Why would any woman, beautiful or ugly or even inflatable want to be with a guy who is angry, depressed and whiny about his looks?

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You feel like a freak because you hate yourself. As long as you continue to hate yourself you will only attract damaged mates you don’t want.

Anyone can find someone. That isn’t the problem. The problem is wanting what you find.

There is always a good excuse for failure and yours is that you’re ugly. And it’s just an excuse. Forget about how you look. Forget it. You have to change yourself because you can’t change your looks. And based on your writing and your tone I think you need to talk to a counselor for depression more than anything else. I don’t care if you say your depression is based on your looks. That’s an excuse. But my guess is you will dismiss me and not do it.

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Improve your attitude. Wake up every single day and look at your ugly mug in the mirror and tell yourself OUT LOUD “I love you very much” while you look yourself in the eye. You better love yourself cuz you’re all you’re ever going to get and it could be MUCH WORSE. Trust me. So say it. Every fucking day,“I Love You” to yourself in the mirror. Then you need to work on your attitude. No matter how you feel paste a fake smile on your face and hold it there as long as you can. Certainly whenever you drive alone. As long as you can. Repeat positive words to yourself all the time. “Today is a great day and great things are going to happen today” and “I can do anything I set my mind to” . Make them up - all positive statements. No double-entendres where you get to hate yourself in the background. You MUST break the cycle of self-hate and learn to love yourself before you can even consider getting a girl because even if you got her, what are you giving her? A man who hates himself? WOW what girl WOULDN’T want that?

Ok while you’re working on self esteem, loving yourself, self-confidence and practicing smiling at clerks in stores you also need a Plan to work on yourself. What are you going to do? You NEED TO DO SOMETHING some girl might like or be attracted to. If it can’t be your looks then it has to be something about YOU and you have to give them something to love. I had a friend who was not particularly good looking. Probably not as ugly as you are but nevertheless the Ladies didn’t give him a second glance and yet SOMEHOW he landed a lingerie model for his wife. Years later while we were talking she said to me, “I love the sweep of his neck. It’s so graceful. It’s my favorite thing about him.” If you are worthy a woman will FIND SOMETHING TO LOVE ABOUT YOU no matter how ugly you are. That’s how love works.

But you aren’t going to find her at your pity party. Women looking for men never show up at the pity party. They go to the place where MEN hang out. So go hang out with MEN and make yourself available to women looking for MEN not whining sad sacks who hate themselves because they aren’t handsome boo hoo hoo. So to make yourself the best you that you can be you should start doing something physical and improve your body. Be a runner. Sign up for 5K races. Run run run. Women go to races all the time and let me tell you - there are LOTS of gawky racer guys who have girls, girls who like to run or like men who like to run.

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Next, while you’re doing all these things you’re going to FORGET ABOUT FINDING A GIRLFRIEND and focus on making a girl friend instead. It’s often very hard to jump from nothing to a relationship so forget about that and focus on friendship instead. Having a friend might be the most valuable experience on earth and your friends don’t care if you’re ugly. They can’t see your ugliness. All they can see is your friendship, especially if you are truly a friend. And friends open you up to THEIR world, a doorway into another place where there are women who will overlook your ugliness eventually because their FRIEND, who is friends with you, sees something in you so there MUST be something beyond your looks that is worth considering.

And if YOU hate yourself, why would any woman be stupid enough to LOVE you? So leave the pity party and take the Waaaaaaambulance to your Mommy’s house and MAN UP. You have to change your attitude about yourself before you can find the woman who will accept you. How can she if you don’t? Do you feel you must somehow “trick” her into being with you? Is your Master Plan to get rich and buy the gold digger at http://Seekingarrangement.com? Well good luck with that plan - it will get you the prettiest girl you can imagine and she will take your money and let you fuck her and then she will laugh about you behind your back. Money is a great aphrodisiac but it doesn’t buy love - it rents sex. Good luck with that.

What the Hell do you have to offer the woman who is stupid enough to give you the time of day? Forget about your looks, get off your ass and WORK HARDER. I am not saying looks don’t matter and you can magically get Jessica Alba if you just do XYZ. Looks DO matter but so do lots and lots and lots of things and the biggest things that matter are the vibes you emanate about yourself and the way you act. If you hate yourself, and it seems like you do, then that’s going to come through loud and clear to anyone who is in contact with you.

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You are NOT what you look like, you are WHAT YOU DO. If all you have to play on is your looks it doesn’t matter if you’re some handsome movie star, you’re still going to be unhappy. Looks are an ILLUSION that do not reflect value or character so you BETTER develop principles, value and character. Be honest and trustworthy. Tell it like it is. Be kind and gentle. It’s a subtle trick that takes time and it doesn’t necessarily get you the girl but it helps you KEEP THE GIRL once you get her. It’s not just about landing the girl - it’s about keeping her and so you have to develop qualities that make her want to stay.

Go to We are what we do | Meetup and join some clubs. Take some tours. Do NOT be an obvious troll seeking women. Be tall, proud and smiling and just observe and learn. When you feel more comfortable then you can be more assertive. But if you come in like a bull seeking a mate all you look like is a creep and everyone knows what you’re after. You have to be subtle. So join clubs, learn to be interesting, and you will meet women. And I guarantee you as night follows the day there will be women, lots of women, who will overlook your ugliness if the other things you have to offer are worth their while. If they aren’t, why should they bother? Get off your fat ass, clean up, see a counselor about your depression, learn to love yourself, get some self-confidence, learn a few hobbies, hang out with people, make friends and you WILL FIND LOVE. It is absolutely inevitable. But it only works if you leave the pity party and climb out of the waaaaaamublance and take POSITIVE ACTION. It’s not too late if you START RIGHT NOW. Or you can wallow in your “it will never work” world and sit there and hate yourself into being alone forever all because you’re “ugly”. It’s YOUR CHOICE. There’s always a good excuse for failure - but it’s just an excuse and it’s a LIE.